# After she died, George missed her

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-poonsup-abusive-to-george
- Themes: abuse, attachment, habit, relationships
- Life situations: abusive relationship, after a death, wondering why you stayed

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Thai wife Punup (Poonsup) publicly criticises and orders her Chinese husband George every weekend at the monastery food offering. Ajahn Brahm feels sorry for him — yet when she dies, George says he misses her so much. He had got used to the abuse. Kept separate from the holy-water and will stories about the same couple.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

There was this Thai girl married to a Chinese man. They used to come here many years ago. I know Rodney remembers them. Punup and George. And every time they came here, this Punup, the the wife, she was so abusive to George. She would criticize him in public, shouted him to all the other people who come to offer food on a Saturday, Sunday morning. Said, "George, he's so stupid. He's an idiot. He's a terrible. George, come over here." And poor old George had to come over every time. I was just I felt so sorry for him. But you know when she died and I thought that George be free of this monster of a wife always telling him what to do and just criticize him in public in front of everybody that no he told me he misses her so much. He really missed her and it was really weird. Look, you're free now. You don't have to have all this being criticized in public. But he got used to it.

## Teaching point

People stay in abuse partly because they become accustomed to it — and can miss even the pain when it stops.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Every weekend a wife scolded and bossed her husband in front of everyone, and Ajahn Brahm felt for him. When she died, he said he missed her terribly. He'd grown used to it. That helps explain why people stay in harmful situations: freedom can feel frightening. If you're in one, you deserve support to step out.

## Source

- [How to deal with abusive relationships | Ajahn Brahm | 13-03-2015](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuGKQmP7jZs) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 31:48 to 33:03: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuGKQmP7jZs&t=1908s