# Looking for the perfect partner

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-perfect-man-seeks-perfect-girl
- Themes: relationships, perfectionism, expectations, humour
- Life situations: dating, choosing a partner, criticising your partner

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

A rich, gorgeous, double-first graduate decides he's so perfect he must marry the most perfect girl. In Sydney he finds a magazine-cover beauty, but she can't cook. In Melbourne an even more beautiful restaurant owner — but she's not clever enough. In Perth he finds the most beautiful girl in the world, owner of five restaurants, with degrees from everywhere. He can't marry her either: she was looking for the perfect guy.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

there's a person over in sort of Australia over in Sydney and this guy he was you know very very wealthy he inherited a lot of money from his grandfather and he was about 6' three blue-eyed really strong great pecs he was actually dropped dead gorgeous and he thought you know he had a a double first from from Cambridge and he thought look so what a great guy I am I'm absolutely perfect Rich goodlooking well educated cultured he said I'm So Perfect now I'm going to choose the most perfect girl in the world you know to marry and I'm not going to I'm not going to choose settle for second breath she has to be really perfect so I went over to Sydney and found this really really gorgeous girl you now the sort of girl you see in the front cover of magazines and he went out with her for a while but just she wasn't perfect enough for him cuz he found out she couldn't cook she was hopeless and so she said no no I want someone who's beautiful and can cook so he went down to Melbourne and he met this girl she was even more beautiful than a girl in Sydney and this girl owned her own restaurant she was a perfect cook so you thought wow this is perfect girl for me but after going out with her for a few weeks know he dumped her too cuz she was stupid you know know he had to double first from Oxford he tried to relate to her and she didn't know anything so she wasn't perfect enough and so where did he come next to Perth and there he found the most beautiful girl in the whole world oh she was really really gorgeous she was like Heavenly it's like an angel and she owned five restaurants and her cookie just would just make just make sort of all these celebrity chef STW they were nowhere near as good as this cook and she was so intelligent she had a double first not only from Cambridge but from Harvard and Oxford and Y and everywhere and from uwa she was so intelligent she was the most perfect girl but he couldn't marry her either you know why because she was looking for the perfect guy

## Teaching point

No one is perfect, including you; be happy you've found someone who can put up with you.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A man perfect in every way searched for the perfect woman, finally found her, and couldn't marry her: she was looking for the perfect man. Nobody qualifies, you included. If someone puts up with your faults, be grateful, and put up with theirs. Love is easy with the perfect; it grows with the real.

## Source

- [Irritation | Ajahn Brahm | 18-03-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6O42-CAHgo) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 35:43 to 38:23: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6O42-CAHgo&t=2143s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Get Real | Ajahn Brahm | 12-06-2009](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1o51NPCk-U) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 15:52 to 18:12: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1o51NPCk-U&t=952s
- [The Nature of Suffering | Ajahn Brahm | 10 February 2023](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwvMmZICc1Y) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 0:14 to 3:25: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwvMmZICc1Y&t=14s
- [The Four Old Men | Ajahn Brahm | 10-12-2010](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0aShBL6-i8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 36:14 to 39:01: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0aShBL6-i8&t=2174s
- [How to Deal with Rejection | Ajahn Brahm | 28 February 2025](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjmkj8NpH7s) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:05:46 to 1:07:54: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zjmkj8NpH7s&t=3946s