# Heads I marry him

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-oslo-coin-toss-marry-him
- Themes: decisions, intuition, relationships, humour
- Life situations: big life decisions, marriage proposals

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

At Oslo University a young woman asks how to make a really important decision. To make it concrete, he suggests: suppose you were deciding whether to marry the boy sitting next to you — and she goes beetroot red, because that was exactly her decision. His method: toss a coin, heads marry, tails don't. If it's heads and you feel “yes!”, you wanted him all along; if you say “two out of three?”, you don't.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I was in Oslo University question came really important decision to make in my life how do I make it really important this young woman I shouldn't have done this because I said well let's make it more concrete suppose you were considering marrying the boy sitting next to you and his poor woman she put her hands front of it she went beetle red because that's exactly the decisions he was contemplating I should have done that so I said so easy so you got your boy next to you not sure it's a big decision in life you're gonna marry him or you're not gonna marry him accept the proposal or not so simple get out a coin heads I marry him tell us I don't but that's not the end of it you toss up the coin heads I marry him tells the dough he comes up heads what's your reaction if you think yes that means you really wanted to marry him all along if it comes up heads and see let's try two out of three then that means you don't want to marry him

## Teaching point

Tossing a coin doesn't decide for you; your reaction to the result reveals your intuition.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A student in Oslo asked how to make a big decision, and blushed when his example turned out to be her real one: whether to marry the boy beside her. Toss a coin, he said. If heads means marry and you ask for best of three, you have your answer. Your reaction often knows what you want before your reasoning does.

## Source

- [The Importance of Meditation | Ajahn Brahm | 07 Nov 2017](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDoKJJdevvg) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:45:02 to 1:46:27: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDoKJJdevvg&t=6302s

Other tellings of this story:

- [How To Deal With Confusion | Ajahn Brahm | 19-12-2014](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lln7FHZv6VQ) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 41:50 to 48:13: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lln7FHZv6VQ&t=2510s
- [Meaning of Life | Ajahn Brahm | 21 February 2020](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nHnVOw9lWg) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 52:43 to 54:29: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nHnVOw9lWg&t=3163s