# No visitors — except Ajahn Brahm

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-nun-no-visitors-except-brahm
- Themes: death, hospice, compassion, humour, nuns
- Life situations: visiting the dying, caregiving

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

A Tibetan nun dying in Shenton Park hospice asked him to come, but the nurse barred visitors until small print under 'absolutely no visitors' read 'except Ajahn Brahm'. She explained others cried and added to her pain; he smiled and joked about death.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

there was a notice on it. The notice said, “ABSOLUTELY NO VISITORS” and the nurse looked at me, “See!" "Huh!” [laughs] There was a notice up there, "absolutely no visitors," but I looked closely, you know what it said on the bottom? ‘Except Ajahn Brahm’ [laughter] And a Buddhist should not do this but I couldn’t resist, “SEE!!!” [laughter]. She deserved it, but really, I should have been more compassionate and kind. And she just went off in a huff. [laughs] And that was one of my memorable moments, getting my own back. But then of course I went in the door, when I went in the door, the first thing I said, when she welcomed me, I said, “Why did you put that notice on there? Why did you say, absolutely no visitors except for me?” And she told me and this is important for you, she said, “When I have all these visitors, they see me, riddled with cancer, only got a day and a half, two days to go, and look at me” (and she did look like skin and bones, gaunt, not the person you knew six months ago). She said, “everybody who comes in to see me gets so depressed and they get so upset seeing me like this, one or two days from death. When they get so depressed and they start crying, that makes me feel bad. I’m bad enough as it is! I don’t need everybody else’s emotional baggage put on me!” She said, “Ajahn Brahm, you’re the only monk, only person who comes into this room who doesn’t get upset and instead tells me jokes. So, another joke please

## Teaching point

Presence that does not dump emotion on the dying is a real gift.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A dying nun's door said no visitors, except Ajahn Brahm. Everyone else cried, she explained, adding their grief to her pain; he smiled, joked and talked about death. Being with the dying isn't about showing how upset you are. Bring calm. Your peace can ease their way.

## Source

- [Outer Space and Inner Space | Ajahn Brahm | 02-01-2015](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gpSRsg2ixQ) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 27:42 to 29:36: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gpSRsg2ixQ&t=1662s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Dealing With a Loved Ones's Suffering | Ajahn Brahm | 05-11-2010](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO-I2TBeOV4) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 52:10 to 52:33: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO-I2TBeOV4&t=3130s
- [Only The Body Is Sick | Ajahn Brahm | 04-11-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfy69sa-h8E) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 39:08 to 39:53: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfy69sa-h8E&t=2348s
- [How to Resolve Conflicts Wisely | Ajahn Brahm | 3 November 2023](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejMY_s1Yvbg) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 41:24 to 43:45: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejMY_s1Yvbg&t=2484s
- [Authenticity | Ajahn Brahm | 16 February 2018](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ck4pLTMjuYQ) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 22:45 to 27:14: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ck4pLTMjuYQ&t=1365s
- [Terminal Lucidity | Ajahn Brahm | 1 December 2023](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyKxtE_U-t4) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 3:09 to 7:34: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyKxtE_U-t4&t=189s
- [Bringing Joy into Sickness | Ajahn Brahm | 7 June 2019](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pChVS4oWK4E) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 26:25 to 29:40: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pChVS4oWK4E&t=1585s
- [Sanctuary of Stillness | Ajahn Brahm | 31 January 2025](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-tHGqOtaTc) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 34:57 to 36:29: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-tHGqOtaTc&t=2097s