# “This robe, or naked”

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-norwegian-monk-robe-or-naked
- Themes: family disapproval, example, monastic life, respect
- Life situations: family disapproves of your choices, religious conversion, parent dying

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

A Norwegian manager ordains in Perth to his family's dismay. When his father falls ill his mother writes: come home, but wear a suit, not that stupid robe. Ajahn Brahm has him reply: “It's this robe or naked — take your choice.” He goes in robes; after his father dies he conducts the funeral and looks after the family, and his most negative elder brother writes to thank the monastery: whatever Buddhism is, it works — the whole family gives his monkhood their blessing.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

there a lot of people I tell about one of my monks I don't mind mentioning his name cuz he won't mind it's Venable Nito he was from Norway when he first came over to here to Perth to ordain as a monk his family were really upset they didn't want him to become a monk why are you being coming monk he had a good um career I think he was a manager of something or other and a very good education why you me become a monk for for goodness sake so that when he went home because his father was very sick he showed me the letter from his mom he says you can come home but please wear a suit no robes I'll be embarrassed to see my son in a brown stupid rope and so I told told him to write back to his mother it's this robe or naked take your choice so he went there with a robe on but they weren't happy but then his father died and so he went back I think to look after the family he did the funeral service organized everything and then his elder brother one of the most negative wrote to me saying I don't know what you've done to our brother that carry on now we really appreciate you know what you're doing over here in Australia we don't know what Buddhism is but whatever it is it works our brother has changed he's such a wise strong compassionate person and he's helped the whole family so much he said thank you please the whole family give his monkhood our blessing it's wonderful actually to see that change over in a couple of years just when they saw saw that what these teachings actually do they respected it enormously

## Teaching point

You influence family and friends by example, not argument.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

His mother asked him to come home in a suit; he went in his robe, since the only other option was nothing. Then his father died, and the monk ran the funeral and cared for everyone, until even his most sceptical brother sent the family's blessing. Arguments rarely change minds at home. Steady kindness in a crisis does.

## Source

- [Loving our sufferings | Ajahn Brahm | 30 Nov 2012](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uo9-6qQ9tyI) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 48:05 to 50:04: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uo9-6qQ9tyI&t=2885s