# Lower where you should be

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-nollamara-lower-where-you-should-be
- Themes: expectations, contentment, self-improvement
- Life situations: feeling not good enough, self-improvement pressure

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Just before a talk at Nollamara a woman shows with her hands: 'this is where I should be, this is where I am,' and the gap is making her miserable. Ajahn Brahm's solution: stop pushing yourself up — lower 'where you're supposed to be' until it coincides with where you are.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

this is where I should be they use their hands to try and describe it this is where I should be this is where I am right now and I'm trying so hard to move myself up to where I know I should be it's caused me so much stress and difficulty in life and that's where I said okay you know I can understand your problem and the solution is very simple it's very simple here is where you're supposed to be here is where you are and you're trying to push your where you are up to where you're supposed to be how about lowering where you're supposed to be to coincide with Where You Are

## Teaching point

Contentment is adjusting the ideal to reality, not forever chasing the ideal.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A woman showed with her hands the painful gap between where she was and where she should be. Ajahn Brahm suggested lowering 'should be' until it met 'am'. She got it at once. Happiness isn't the reward for success; happiness is success. If you're content with what you're doing, you've already made it.

## Source

- [Expectations | Ajahn Brahm | 15 April 2016](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV0wiAuOqik) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 13:07 to 13:48: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV0wiAuOqik&t=787s