# That's not the dress I bought for her

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-mother-dementia-wrong-dress
- Themes: dementia, family, compassion, ageing
- Life situations: caring for parents, dementia

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Mother in a locked dementia ward; brother first notices she is wearing someone else's dress — clothes get swapped on the ward — then catches himself and softens.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

mother had dementia when I went to visit her in a really really caring facility it had to be locked because mother would go wandering around she wouldn't know where she was but there's a lot toward but as soon as I went in with my brother the first thing my brother said when she saw my mother she's not what that's not the dress I bought for her because my brother would Supply you know all the clothes and other stuff that was his responsibility very caring and then he caught himself and louder said her sorry but she always does this I buy her dresses I know what I bought her and I go to visit her and she's wearing somebody else's dress

## Teaching point

On the dementia ward, even the dress you bought may not stay yours.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Visiting their mother in a dementia ward, Ajahn Brahm's brother complained she was wearing somebody else's dress, again. Residents forget what's theirs and share each other's clothes. So somebody else was wearing Mum's. Ajahn Brahm sees a lesson: imagine a world of sharing, not owning. There'd be enough for everyone.

## Source

- [Humoristic Buddhism| Ajahn Brahm | 31 March 2017](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIg4F99Manc) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 12:07 to 13:00: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIg4F99Manc&t=727s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Is Buddhism a religion? | Ajahn Brahm | 5 Feb 2016](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNYz9hy5hi8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 23:19 to 24:01: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNYz9hy5hi8&t=1399s
- [Holey Life | Ajahn Brahm | 27 April 2018](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abXj60Be2BI) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 53:37 to 54:21: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abXj60Be2BI&t=3217s