# “He's not my husband, he's my dad”

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-malaysia-father-mistaken-for-husband
- Themes: mistakes, humour, forgiveness
- Life situations: social gaffes, misjudging people

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

At a Malaysian retreat a young woman does all the talking in an interview while the quiet man beside her listens. Ajahn Brahm asks if that's her husband; both burst out laughing — he's her father. She is 16 (looked early 20s), he over 40 (looked 30). Flattered rather than offended, they return with a $100 donation and a note: please use some of it to get Ajahn Brahm's glasses checked.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

this was last december when i was giving a retreat over in malaysia because i'm just giving her a treat now it's already almost nine months so you should have forgotten it by now 10 months ago and these couple came in boy and girl came in for the interviews and the girl she did all the talking she did most of the speaking and i thought that's a sure sign because the guy was really quiet sure sign they're married i jumped i'm in trouble again stereotyping but that's what i thought rightly or wrongly so she did all the talking but every now and again when she said something she looked at the guy sitting next to her and at the end at the end of the interview i just happened to say oh is that your husband it's very quiet at which point both of them burst out laughing almost hysterical so what's so funny and the girl said he's not my husband he's my dad and she actually looked in her early 20s but she was actually only 16. and he looked about 30 even though he's over 40. and when i explained why i thought you were well you look you know in your 20s you look 30 and then they weren't upset at me because you tell a teenager 16 year old she looks about 21 22. she really loves that that's flattery and i always say flattery gets you everywhere and him imagine him you know in his 40s thinking he was he was young enough to look like a 30 year old oh he thought that was brilliant they really love this western monk so instead of criticizing me and telling me off they went outside and they came back in five minutes with a hundred australian dollar donation that is how to pay the bills for the buddhist society but there was a note on the donation saying please use some of this for ajahn brown to go to the optometrist and check his prescription on his glasses

## Teaching point

Laugh at mistakes and forgive them rather than getting upset.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Ajahn Brahm asked a girl whether the quiet man beside her was her husband; he was her father. They laughed, came back with a donation, and a note asking that some go toward new glasses. Embarrassing mistakes happen. When they do, laugh, forgive, learn and let them go, on both sides.

## Source

- [Facing Difficult Situations in Life | Ajahn Brahm | 6 October 2017](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yy0k6zefVM) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 23:32 to 26:04: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4yy0k6zefVM&t=1412s

Other tellings of this story:

- [阿姜布拉姆佛法講座: 如何面對生命中的困境?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atZzBsr_ffQ) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 24:28 to 24:56: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atZzBsr_ffQ&t=1468s
- [Menghadapi Situasi yang Sulit Dalam Hidup | Ajahn Brahm | 6 October 2017](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCOm9Cy50Cc) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 23:46 to 26:04: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCOm9Cy50Cc&t=1426s