# Permission to go — peaceful funeral

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-let-mother-go-peaceful-funeral
- Themes: death, permission, grief, family
- Life situations: dying parent, funeral

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

He tells a daughter she is holding her dying mother back; she gives full permission to depart. The mother dies within 24 hours. At the Thai funeral's first rites, husband and two daughters are at peace — little grief, a sense of freedom because she died well.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

please give your mother permission to go you have to let her go and I don't mean just half-heartedly fully go up to her and give her your blessing to depart this life because you are what's holding her back and she accepted that and understood that I was quite surprised at how easily that really got into her head into her mind and after I left she did go up to her mother talk to her and free her let her go she passed away 24 hours later and I was fortunate enough to do part of the funeral service in Thailand the funeral service is just so long and drawn out the death only takes a couple of minutes but the funerals take a 100 days there's something very wrong there but that's tradition but fortunately I went to do the first part of the funeral service and it was one of the most those was on Monday evening was one of the most wonderful times to see the closest relations the husband and the two daughters totally at peace with her mother death cuz her mother had died well had died beautifully and there wasn't tears there wasn't the sense of grief there was a sense that they let go and what a wonderful freeing experience that was for everybody

## Teaching point

Sometimes the greatest kindness is fully letting someone go.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Ajahn Brahm gently told a daughter she was holding her dying mother back. She gave her permission to go, and the mother died within a day. At the funeral, husband and daughters were calm, almost free. Sometimes the greatest kindness is to let someone go fully. Loving them includes releasing them.

## Source

- [Below The Mist | Ajahn Brahm | 11 Apr 2008](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajTBWboDBRE) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 21:07 to 22:51: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajTBWboDBRE&t=1267s