# Weeping at the grave of his wife's first husband

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Joke
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-joke-weeping-at-grave-wifes-ex
- Themes: marriage, expectations, humour
- Life situations: marriage difficulties, unrealistic expectations of a partner

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

A man sobs at a grave in Karrakatta, “Why did you die?” Asked if it is his father or son, he says no — it was his present wife's former husband.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I remember this one story of disappointment which I read the other day about the person who was, they found him just in Karakatta and he was weeping over a grave. And he was just so disappointed. Why did you die? Why did you die? Why did you die? And someone came up to him and said, what's wrong? They saw it was a male grave, is that your son or your father? He said, no, I'm just so disappointed he died. Well, who was he? He said he was the husband of my present wife, the former husband that was. Why did you have to die? Why do you have to die?

## Teaching point

Unrealistic expectations of relationships (fed by films and romance novels) open us to disappointment.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A man sobs at the grave of his wife's first husband, wishing he hadn't died. It comes from a joke book, and it lands because we all know unrealistic hopes about marriage. Films and novels promise more than any partner can give. Expect a real human being rather than a romance, and you'll be pleasantly surprised far more often.

## Source

- [Don't Be Disappointed | Ajahn Brahm | 29-01-2010](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmlQ9qGomG0) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 3:54 to 4:32: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LmlQ9qGomG0&t=234s

Other tellings of this story:

- [How to deal with blame and criticism | Ajahn Brahm | 18 Nov 2016](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39mEezTbMcc) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 25:56 to 26:39: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39mEezTbMcc&t=1556s