# Hawaiian shirts at funerals

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-hawaiian-shirts-at-funerals
- Themes: death, funerals, children, humour
- Life situations: funerals, parenting

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Early Perth funerals are all black; he wants funeral directors in Hawaiian shirts — kids arrive full of life then learn sadness from black clothes and faces.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

when I first started doing funeral services here in Perth people were always in Black okay now that this some people have white but I want Funeral Directors to start wearing Hawaiian shirts a nice nice dresses or nice clothes not all this miserable stuff which actually makes people more and more depressed because uh to cry cases I've seen kids and kids are great teachers for me children come into these funerals playing around being naughty like children should be and they're full of life and joy and happiness and then they see everybody else just black wearing black and their faces look sort of black as well and these little kids full of life you can see just the the joy of life just go out of them

## Teaching point

Empathy at a funeral need not dress itself in more darkness.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

At early Perth funerals, everyone wore black, and Ajahn Brahm watched lively children learn sadness from their parents' faces. He'd rather see funeral directors in Hawaiian shirts. Once a coffin, loaded with ornaments, jammed halfway into the grave while he chanted on. Grief is real, but a funeral can also celebrate a life, even laugh.

## Source

- [Different perspective on empathy | Ajahn Brahm | 15 Jul 2016](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1ktH395ZY4) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 9:20 to 10:18: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1ktH395ZY4&t=560s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Peace, Happiness and Virtue | Ajahn Brahm | 4 February 2022](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Acyfbeyjbk) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 41:35 to 42:03: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Acyfbeyjbk&t=2495s