# Tell his girlfriend he might marry a dummy

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-girlfriend-told-marry-a-dummy
- Themes: parenting, teenagers, humour, education
- Life situations: teen ignoring parents, falling grades, using peer influence wisely

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

A Perth father whose university son was clubbing and failing waited up until 1 a.m., invited son and girlfriend in for coffee, and spoke only to the girlfriend: his grades are going down — I'm sure you don't want to marry a dummy. From then on she enforced homework; he graduated with a good degree and they married.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

he waited for his son and his girlfriend to come back maybe 1:00 in the in the morning he was waiting for them and when the car came in he went outside the house to greet them and of course the son was terrified what's my dad doing at this time of the morning morning is he going to tell me off in front of my girlfriend and embarrass me and he said no he said no can you please come in both of you and he brought them in and gave them a cup of coffee and he didn't talk to his son he was just talking to his son's girlfriend and he said look you know you've been going out for a while I don't know what the relationship is but you know who knows you know you may take it further one day you know get engaged and get married and because of that I just wanted to let you know talking to the girlfriend you know his grades at University going down is doing really badly what she said he never told me that he said well I thought I should tell you because I'm sure you don't want to marry a dummy no and when the girlfriend found out what was going on from that time on the girlfriend you better come home how are your grades are you doing your homework and the girlfriend had far more power over him than a mother and dad would ever have so his grades went up eventually you know he graduated and got a really really good degree and they got married ah isn't that nice

## Teaching point

Find the real leverage — peers often move a teenager when parents cannot.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A father whose son was partying and failing at university told the son's girlfriend she surely didn't want to marry a dummy. She took charge of the homework, he graduated, and they married. Peers often matter more than parents. Ajahn Brahm stresses praise most of all. Children who feel loved don't need a drill sergeant.

## Source

- [Bringing Up Children | Ajahn Brahm | 09-12-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANrqHO24Ttw) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 39:08 to 40:42: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANrqHO24Ttw&t=2348s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Teenagers Are Aliens | Ajahn Brahm | 26 October 2012](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSzGDO6RAeQ) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 15:01 to 15:57: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSzGDO6RAeQ&t=901s