# Ask Gandhi — my son doesn't listen to me

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-gandhi-mother-son-listens-to-you
- Themes: hypocrisy, Gandhi, parenting, integrity
- Life situations: parenting advice, walking the talk

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Mother brings defiant son to young Gandhi for a scolding about sweets; Gandhi asks her to return in weeks (or similar delay) so his word matches his own conduct — truth of behaviour before advice.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

Gandhi. If ever you read his history, you know, this whole life was dedicated to what he called no satcha or or truth. And it wasn't just external truth but the truth of his own conduct and behavior. So incredibly virtuous man. And on this occasion remember this story from a long time ago he was studying law in UK in London and he was staying in a boarding house which people did in those days. And the the woman who owned the boarding house who cooked for these poor students had a son who was eating too much sugar. And this uh land lady took this Mr. Gandhi aside. He wasn't known. He was just a young man studying. He did. She didn't know this guy was going to become really world famous. But even then, he had authority. So much so that she said, "My son doesn't listen to me." But for some reason, he looks up to you. So, can you please tell my son not to eat so much sugar? I think he may listen to you. And Mr. Gandhi said, "Yes, ma'am, I will." Week passed, two weeks passed, and the land lady took Mr. Gandhi aside. So, Mr. Gandandy, do you remember that conversation we had two weeks ago? I asked you to tell my son not to eat so much sugar. He's still eating so much sugar. You said you would tell him. Why haven't you? And Mr. Gandhi said, "I did tell your son not to have so much sugar, but only this morning." "Why did you wait 2 weeks?" said the landlady. "Because," said Mr. Gandhi, it took me two weeks to give up taking sugar

## Teaching point

Do not preach what you have not yet lived.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A mother asked Gandhi to tell her son to stop eating sugar. He asked her to return in two weeks, then told the boy. Why wait? It took me two weeks to give up sugar myself. Real authority means living what you teach. And don't expect leaders or celebrities to know everything: Dolly Parton isn't the Dalai Parton.

## Source

- [Hypocrisy | Ajahn Brahm | 07-06-2013](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=semFlYAaBko) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 12:43 to 14:45: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=semFlYAaBko&t=763s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Leadership | Ajahn Brahm | 01-04-2015](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-UAe9wsePw) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 41:20 to 44:42: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-UAe9wsePw&t=2480s