# “But I'm alive — it was my husband who died!”

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Joke
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-funeral-gaffe-im-alive
- Themes: mistakes, humour, funerals
- Life situations: embarrassing mistake, public speaking fear

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

At a funeral Ajahn Brahm eulogises the wrong parent; the very-much-alive mother stands up at the back to correct him.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I was telling the funeral director about one of the funerals I did once for a couple who comes here. One of their parents died. I'm doing the funeral service and saying, "Oh, it's such a shame that your mother passed away, she was such a good Buddhist, and she'd done so much." Then this old lady stood up at the back and said, "It's not me, it's my husband. I'm alive! It's he who's dead."

## Teaching point

Collect your blunders and laugh at them: “laugh with them, then the world laughs with you, not at you” (my translation).

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Eulogising the wrong parent while the very-much-alive widow stands up at the back is about as bad as funeral blunders get. Ajahn Brahm doesn't hide it; he collects mistakes like this and shares them for a laugh. When you get something embarrassingly wrong, own it, apologise, and let yourself smile. Tension makes us difficult; laughter helps everyone recover.

## Source

- [Dealing With Difficult People | Ajahn Brahm | 28 Nov 2008](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jniaUr_7438) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 40:36 to 41:07: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jniaUr_7438&t=2436s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Letting Go of Fear | Ajahn Brahm | 22-05-2009](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7rFsrdtMM8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 48:24 to 49:03: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7rFsrdtMM8&t=2904s
- [Stress - Overreaction to Life | Ajahn Brahm | 9 March 2018](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEpeaWywKi4) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 1:03:24 to 1:04:45: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEpeaWywKi4&t=3804s
- [How To Not Have Any Stress | Ajahn Brahm | 12 May 2017](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJSxDv4XrY4) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 33:34 to 34:58: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJSxDv4XrY4&t=2014s
- [How To Deal With Confusion | Ajahn Brahm | 19-12-2014](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lln7FHZv6VQ) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 27:55 to 28:46: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lln7FHZv6VQ&t=1675s
- [O radzeniu sobie z trudnymi ludźmi - Ajahn Brahm [LEKTOR PL]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPz6-oAxM7Q) (Sasana.pl) — watch from 40:30 to 41:12: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPz6-oAxM7Q&t=2430s