# White knuckles on the first bicycle

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-first-bicycle-white-knuckles
- Themes: fear, relaxation, childhood, self-fulfilling prophecy
- Life situations: learning a new skill, performance anxiety, fear of failure

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Young Ajahn Brahm's father saves up for his first bicycle; he keeps falling off until he notices his white knuckles and plank-stiff body — fear made him unable to balance. Once he relaxed, he stopped falling.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

This story I remember when I was young. I was young and my father, I begged him, and he saved up, I think, for a birthday or a Christmas. I can't remember what. He bought me a bicycle. The first bicycle I ever had. And, of course, being a kid with his first bicycle, you get on that bicycle and try to ride it and keep falling off. And I kept falling off and I never realised why until I looked at myself. I was holding on to those handle bars with so much fear that my knuckles went white. I was so afraid of falling off and my body was as stiff as a plank. And because I was so stiff, I was holding on too tight. Whenever the bike would move to the left, I would never be able to compensate. My body was too stiff to bend and to accommodate, which is why I kept falling off. It was fear that kept pushing me over. And it was only later on when I just relaxed, I found that I could stay on that bicycle with more ease. In fact, when you're really relaxed, you didn't fall off at all.

## Teaching point

What we fear, we tend to bring about; relaxing makes us more stable.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

White knuckles and a body stiff as a plank kept the boy falling off his first bike; once he relaxed, he stayed on. In a new job, a tense conversation or heavy traffic, gripping hard makes us less able to adjust. Loosen your hold a little and trust yourself to balance. Steadiness comes from ease, not force.

## Source

- [Letting Go of Fear | Ajahn Brahm | 22-05-2009](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7rFsrdtMM8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 5:59 to 7:19: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7rFsrdtMM8&t=359s

Other tellings of this story:

- [How to deal with abusive relationships | Ajahn Brahm | 13-03-2015](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuGKQmP7jZs) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 53:19 to 54:08: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuGKQmP7jZs&t=3199s
- [Why not Us? | Ajahn Brahm | 18-02-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_rd8PBUpwU) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 41:41 to 42:49: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_rd8PBUpwU&t=2501s
- [01. Day 1 - Morning Talk. Ajahn Brahm Retreat at Bandarawela, Sri Lanka 2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtnuVoJXWhM) (BSWA Retreats 2011-15 & Media) — watch from 37:05 to 37:31: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtnuVoJXWhM&t=2225s