# Married 25 years and strangers on holiday

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-empty-nest-couple-strangers
- Themes: relationships, marriage, identity, perception
- Life situations: empty nest, long marriage, relationship gone stale

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

After about 25 years of marriage, when the last child leaves home, a couple take their first holiday alone together. One says afterwards it was a shock: “I didn't realise whom I was married to all these years” — they had related only as father and mother and had to rediscover each other.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

somebody, actually it's a person who is a old fellow member here, they told me that I think they had been married for about 25 years and the last of their children got married, so left home And there they were together, so went on a holiday together. First time they could go just the two of them and they came back afterwards and one of the partners said it was such a shock such a shock, I didn't realize whom I was married to all these years. Because for all those years they have been relating to each other as father and mother of their kids. Now their kids were out of the equation, the whole relationship, the whole identity changed. They had to rediscover each other again. It is amazing they had been married for so many years and they said they didn't know each other.

## Teaching point

If you think you know your partner, the relationship is dead; let go of fixed ideas of who people are.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

After twenty-five years of being Mum and Dad, a couple went on holiday alone and found they hardly knew each other. That isn't a disaster; it's an invitation. People keep changing, and fixed ideas about them make a relationship stale. Look at your partner, your friend or yourself with fresh eyes, as if meeting for the first time.

## Source

- [Instead of Attachment | Ajahn Brahm | 04-03-2011](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L50xVM7wwss) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 49:23 to 50:21: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L50xVM7wwss&t=2963s

Other tellings of this story:

- [Get Real | Ajahn Brahm | 12-06-2009](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1o51NPCk-U) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 41:37 to 42:59: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1o51NPCk-U&t=2497s