# The worst thing she'd ever done

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-dying-woman-kissed-another-man
- Themes: guilt, forgiveness, dying, confession
- Life situations: dying, secret guilt, infidelity

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

A woman dying of cancer meets Ajahn Brahm most Friday evenings. Wanting her to die free of her past, he asks in confidence for the worst thing she has ever done. After weeks of trust it comes out: while married, she once kissed another man and never told her husband. “If that's the worst thing you've done, you've lived a pretty good life.” Seeing his reaction, she realises it isn't that bad, and lets it go before she dies.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

about this woman, not far, in Tuart Hill somewhere. Tuart Hill, Dianella... And she was dying. And I asked her that once, before she passed away: 'Is there anything you've done in your life which you're very ashamed of?' And of course it took a while to get her to confess to me. And what she said was that once in her life she'd kissed another woman's husband. And I asked 'Is that all you've done?' She said 'Yes, I was so ashamed of it, you're the first person I've told.' So that's not bad, a whole life. We can forgive you that one. But for me, hearing that, that was a small thing. But for her, it was the most terrible thing she'd ever done. But once she actually confessed it, let somebody know, she also realized it wasn't that bad

## Teaching point

Hidden guilt swells; acknowledge it to a good friend and you'll find it's not such a big deal, and can let it go.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

For a lifetime she had hidden one kiss, and as she was dying it felt like the worst thing in the world. Said aloud to a kind friend, it shrank to its real size. Secret guilt grows in the dark. Tell someone who will forgive you straight away, and let the thing become ordinary enough to put down.

## Source

- [Buddhism and Rubbish | Ajahn Brahm | 5 February 2021](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9QPTOp-axA) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 52:11 to 53:03: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9QPTOp-axA&t=3131s

Other tellings of this story:

- [The Meaning of Life - Peace of Mind | Ajahn Brahm | 16 Jan 2009](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNiS2OI-bSk) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 22:12 to 24:33: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNiS2OI-bSk&t=1332s
- [A Buddhist Guide To Making Difficult Ethical Decisions | Ajahn Brahm | 9 Dec 2016](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX2S29J7s0I) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 34:32 to 35:12: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX2S29J7s0I&t=2072s
- [Unconditional Love | Ajahn Brahm | 14 February 2025](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEv5jWHdXhQ) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 17:25 to 18:38: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEv5jWHdXhQ&t=1045s