# 'You never talked to us about your Buddhism'

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-cambridge-friends-never-preached
- Themes: respect, friendship, religion, acceptance
- Life situations: friends with different beliefs, interfaith relationships

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

Ajahn Brahm kept his non-Buddhist friends from Cambridge, and saw some at a reunion after 40 years. At the end of college he had asked them what they thought of his being a Buddhist for all three years. They said they respected him — because he never talked to them about his Buddhism; he respected them for who they were, so they respected him.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I remember just with those friends I was at college and I kept them and they're still there and so we had a reunion last October seeing some friends I hadn't seen for 40 years and I remember just at the end of those College years when we were going our different ways and I've be a Buddhist for all those three years at Cambridge and I asked all my friends none of them was a Buddhist and I asked him afterward what did you think about me being a Buddhist and they said we respected you said why said because you never talked to us about your Buddhism that you just respected us for who we were and that's why we respected you for who you were

## Teaching point

Respect is not trying to change another person.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

His Cambridge friends said they respected Ajahn Brahm's Buddhism precisely because he never preached it to them. He simply accepted them, and they accepted him. Friendship across beliefs works that way. And when you stop trying to change yourself, oddly enough, change begins to happen.

## Source

- [How To Be A Happy Hermit | Ajahn Brahm | 15-01-2010](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx7n5CpmWRM) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 35:00 to 35:45: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wx7n5CpmWRM&t=2100s