# Australian boys don't cry

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-australian-boys-dont-cry
- Themes: crying, masculinity, retreat, emotion
- Life situations: first retreat, emotional numbness, men and tears

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

A ~30-year-old South Australian on his first retreat weeps uncontrollably. Asked when he last cried, he says age 12 or 13 — when his father told him Australian boys don't cry. Years of suppressed tears come out; afterwards he jokes that many women on the retreat suddenly found him attractive.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

And I remember telling this lady a few minutes ago about this guy. He was an Australian and he's about 30 and he came from South Australia and he came on one of his first retreats and during that retreat he started crying his eyes out. [clears throat] Ah, what's going on? Is something going wrong? I'm crying. And I asked him, "When was the last time you cried before today?" And he went silent and said, "I last cried when I was only about 12 or 13." That's when my father said, "Australian boys don't cry." That's obvious, isn't it? you know that if you suppress that crying there's a lot of tears have to come out you know you build them up for a long time and so he cried and cried and cried what the benefits of crying so much and I mentioned and it was actually true he told me afterwards cuz he was a single guy he said he got lots and lots of uh females on that retreat were very interested in [laughter] It's a very attractive thing to do, isn't it? To cry. So, I don't need to go to to wear fancy clothes. Learn how to cry.

## Teaching point

Suppressed tears have to come out; crying can be healthy and human.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

A young man wept for hours on his first retreat; he hadn't cried since his father told him, aged twelve, that Australian boys don't. Years of tears came out at once. Afterwards several women on the retreat found him rather attractive, he reported. Tears are human and healthy. Let them come.

## Source

- [It's OK to Cry | Ajahn Brahm | 5 November 2021](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGUifWXKcbU) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 29:04 to 30:39: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGUifWXKcbU&t=1744s