# The senior monk who pretended to be angry

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-anorexic-nun-acted-anger
- Themes: anger, compassion, skilful means, relationships
- Life situations: loved one with an eating disorder, disciplining others, anger in relationships

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

A nun in the Thai monastery grows skin-and-bones thin, insisting fasting helps her meditation; the monks can't get through. A very kind senior monk visiting from England shouts at and scolds her — shocking Ajahn Brahm, who has never seen him angry. As soon as she leaves he smiles: “That told her, didn't it?” He was only acting, out of compassion. But it didn't work.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

I remember once there was a nun in our monastery in Thailand. Years and years ago. She had looked like a psychological problem. She was getting anorexic. Thinner and thinner and thinner, we were just really concerned about her. And whatever we said, she said no, she was fasting because it was good for her meditation. Or she felt healthy. But to look at her, she was skin and bones. Of course we were responsible if, you know I don't have that problem obviously, but if any monk had a problem like that I'd be responsible for them, I'd have to do something to make sure they're okay. But whatever we did as monks, she just would not listen. A senior monk come over from England and we said to him, 'Look, we haven't been able to do anything. [coughs] Can you help?' So he brought the nun to her and this was a very great monk, and he was such a kind monk and he looked at her and he started shouting at her and scolding her and I thought, 'My goodness, this monk, who I really respected, is getting angry.' And I'd never seen him angry like that, ever. I thought, 'what's going on?' He was shouting and scolding her and all sorts of stuff. And then afterwards she went away. And just as soon as she went away that's when he changed his demeanour and he smiled and said, 'That told her, didn't it?' [laughter] He was acting it out. And so I was actually quite relieved. The monk hadn't gotten angry. He was actually a good actor. He actually tried to use that as a skillful means. It really was out of compassion. But it didn't work. Even if you try, you just, and this was a very good monk. He had enough mindfulness and control when he played at being angry he didn't become angry. He could do it. But still it never worked.

## Teaching point

Even skilfully acted anger doesn't work; it destroys the glue of relationships.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

Worried about a nun who was starving herself, a gentle senior monk staged a fierce scolding, then smiled once she'd left. He was only acting, and it still didn't help. Shouting rarely changes anyone, and it wears away trust. Someone struggling with eating needs patient care and proper professional help, not a telling-off.

## Source

- [Freeing Problems With Metta | by Ajahn Brahm | 30 Jan 2009](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OswcrsyGQN0) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 18:37 to 20:42: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OswcrsyGQN0&t=1117s