# The postulant who tried too hard to be perfect

- Teacher: Ajahn Brahm
- Type: Story
- URL: https://beingmindfulstories.com/stories/brahm-anagarika-too-perfect-left
- Themes: perfectionism, fear, control, monastic life
- Life situations: perfectionism, burnout, fear of breaking rules, trying too hard in a relationship

## Synopsis (editorial summary)

A former monastery postulant tells Ajahn Brahm in Melbourne that he was so afraid of breaking a rule, controlling his body, speech and mind, that the tension became unbearable and he left.

## The story, as told by Ajahn Brahm (verbatim captions)

There was one of the men I saw in Melbourne, he used to be an Anagarika in my monastery down in Perth a long time ago. But he was saying when he was first there, he was trying so hard to be perfect. He was so afraid of breaking a rule. And that's why he got so tense trying to control his body, control his speech, control his mind. He got so tense, he couldn't stand it and he left.

## Teaching point

Trying to be perfect out of fear makes us tense and unlikeable; kindness and letting things be are the way.

## Reflection (in the spirit of Ajahn Brahm's talk)

He was so afraid of breaking a rule that controlling every word and movement became unbearable, and he left. Ajahn Brahm even wonders whether he should have stressed kindness more. Trying to be flawless at work or in love makes us stiff, and people feel it. Relax and be yourself; imperfect, authentic people are far easier to be around.

## Source

- [Letting Go of Fear | Ajahn Brahm | 22-05-2009](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7rFsrdtMM8) (Buddhist Society of Western Australia) — watch from 37:12 to 37:40: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7rFsrdtMM8&t=2232s